


Surprising Discoveries

by OddmentsandTweaks



Series: A Treasured Collection [4]
Category: Night at the Museum (2006 2009)
Genre: Babies can be suprising, Baby sitting, Brief description of injury, Dexter isn't a complete trouble maker (for once), F/M, Gen, Humour, Jed and Octavius are ridiculous, Jed can sing, Larry is very long suffering, Octavius can't (or won't), Sacagawea tracks like a boss, The cavemen get names, Tiny hint of the beginning of preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:31:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3599823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OddmentsandTweaks/pseuds/OddmentsandTweaks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Larry forgets to block a broken door, the cavemen smell freedom and Jed and Octavius are landed with baby sitting duty. </p>
<p>A story in which Larry is put upon, Sacagawea is a master tracker, Jed and Octavius attempt to entertain a baby, Dexter can in fact be sweet when he wants to be and Nala thinks all two-legs are idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprising Discoveries

**Author's Note:**

> Another instalment for you lovely readers! This one is a little lighter than the last one as I figured we needed a bit of fun! As always, I'd love to know what you think of this! :)

“Oh. My. God.” Larry was utterly horrified. How on earth did this happen? He felt his stomach drop through the floor. McPhee, the catch, he’d said something on the way out. OH GOD. Why hadn’t he checked?!

And now there was an open door leading into the city.

How many had gone?

Time for help.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Sac, SACAGAWEA!” Sac looked about at the yell, trying to work out where Larry was.  A crackle came through the tanoy this time, “Erm, could Sacagawea please report to the loading bay, we have a slight, slight emergency.”

Sac took one look at Jed and Octavius, their conversation forgotten.

“That’s Larry speak for ‘oh god, oh god we’re all going to die’ isn’t it?”

“Undoubtedly.”

Sac sighed and started undoing the carrier

“What are you doing?”

“If this is a ‘we’re all going to die’ emergency I am NOT taking Jean-Baptiste anywhere near it.”

“Very wise my lady.”

“Can you guys keep an eye on him? Hopefully I won’t be long.”

“Sure Sac, you sure you don’t want us along though?”

“No, I trust you both with him and I must run. Thank you both.”

“Of course my lady.” Octavius bowed

Sac pulled the carrier free from herself , kissed her smiling son and set him down. The little boy immediately struggled to sit up, Sac loosened the ties before he could start to voice his annoyance.

“There, he should be able to sit easily, thank you again I shall be as quick as I can.”

“It is an honour Sacagawea, please let us know if we may be called upon.”

“I will, don’t worry.” With a grateful smile Sac turned an made for the staircase, heading down to the main lobby. 

Jed was already focusing on the child, “Heya there JB,” Jed half saluted, “How’s it going?”

The baby grinned happily and being able to sit up and see for himself. Jed and Octavius has become well practiced at the art of dodging sticky fingers. Jean-Baptiste was fascinated by them and they’d learned quickly that so long as they stayed out of his reach he was perfectly happy to watch whatever they did.

They resigned themselves to baby watching. Though as Octavius noted, Jed didn’t look too put out, as much as his friend tried to make out he took the duty with reluctance he really rather loved spending time with the child. Octavius resolved to ask him about it later.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sacagawea headed to loading bay bumping into a wild-eyed Larry.

“Whatever is the matter?”

“Door’s open, I think the cave men are out there can you check if any more have gone?”

Her eyes narrowed, “is the door shut now, in case of more escapees?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, quickly, let us go to their exhibit, I shall track them from there.”

Sac was a good as her word, following what seemed like invisible markers to Larry all the way to the loading bay door.

She straightened, “I’ve tracked three to this point, no others.”

“Even the animals?”

Sac raised an eyebrow.

That was all the answer he needed, “No then, thanks Sac, that’s something. They can’t have got too far from the museum.” He hoped out loud

Sac looked worried, never a good thing, “These tracks are maybe an hour old, they have that much on us at least.”

“Oh.” This was bad, REALLY bad. Larry forced himself to calm down.

“Right, if it’s the cavemen we’re gonna need help, they might have split up and there’s no knowing who else we’re going to meet out there.”

“I agree, we need-”

“Lawrence!” Teddy bounded in, Ahkmenrah on his heels. Both looked extremely worried. “What on earth is going on? Are you alright my dear? I came as soon as I heard the call.”

Ahk was looking about urgently, scrutinising the scene, “Are you alright Sacagawea? Larry? Is it JB?” he asked anixously

“I am fine, JB is safe with Jed and Octavius but the cavemen have escaped.”

Ahk cursed.

“How? How could they have gotten out?”

“The door lock, it was broken by delivery guys this morning, McPhee told me about it before I left but I got caught up in dealing with the knights trying to stage a melee.”

“We do really rather need an arena.”

“Yeah, but not right now, anyway I forgot to block the door and the cavemen have got out.”

 “What’s the plan Larry?”

“Sac, I need you to track them.”

“Of course,”

“Ahk, can you bring your tablet, getting them back will be much easier if you use the commands on them.”

Ahkmenrah nodded, “It worked last time, I’ll go and fetch it now.” The Pharaoh turned to leave.

“Teddy, New York is filled with-”

“Ne’erdowells and nincompoops I am well aware, I shall certainly be coming with you just in case someone unwisely decides to accost us.”

“Thanks,” Larry turned, a sudden thought striking him, “ Ahk,”  he yelled at the wake of the running Pharaoh, “can you grab Attila and ask Ragnar to keep an eye on everything!”

Ahk returned in record time, Attila and tablet in tow. _“I will help you find the stone people.”_

“Thanks buddy.” Taking Attila tone as an offer of help, he really needed to learn some Hun.

“Ragnar is keeping watch along with Anna,” Added Ahk, “the museum will be fine.”

“Anna? Good she’ll keep him in line.”

“Come on, we are wasting time!” Sac urged.

They headed out into the night.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Have at thee leather-clad barbarian, kneel before the might of Rome!”

“Never! You pushy, bossy, good for nothing imperial cracker-jack! This here’s MY corridor!”

“It will belong to the emperor for the glory of Rome! Now yield!”

Jed and Octavius were entertaining Jean-Baptiste with their mock duel, the child loved to watch them move and they’d discovered it was a handy way for Jed to get the sword practice he’d been bugging Octavius for.

Octavius was rather pleased if truth be told that Jed was taking an interest in what he  did.

Jed had watched the roman lead a sword practice with his men, sparring with several of them and winning each bout. He’d been impressed by Octavius’ prowess and wanted to learn, guns were great at long distance or when you’re outnumbered or somethin’ but a sword couldn’t misfire and fail you. He asked and asked and eventually Octavius had agreed. They’d started on wooden swords first to get the feel of things before moving on to steel.

They both loved the practice more than they’d say, if asked by people why both would answer along the lines of ‘good exercise,’’ might come in handy one day’ whilst really it was just another excuse for the two of them to spend more time together.

Once they discovered JB loved to watch them spar they had a whole other opportunity to work together.

Adding in the daft dialogue only added to the fun.

“Hey, ‘Tavius, I think little grub-bug might be gettin’ tired.”

The general turned to face the child who’s eyes were looking decidedly droopy.

“Excellent, if we can coax him into slumber then our watch will be much easier.”

“I hear you, any ideas how?”

“Well, Sacagawea and Ahkmenrah often sing to him and Teddy rides with him.”

“Well, I don’t see him fitting on any’o our horses do you?”

“No of course not, but a lullaby perhaps?”

“Can you sing what they do?” Jed looked as though he really thought Octavius could. It was rather flattering.

“No, not at all, for one I do not know Egyptian or Shoshone and I also I cannot sing well.”

“No? Why you go on about poetry and stuff figured you’d have a mighty fine set o’pipes on ya’”

“Pipes?”

“Voice, toga-boy.”

“Sadly no. How about you though?”

“I can croon a tune if I need to.”

“Well, no time like the present, our audience is looking decidedly fractious.”

They cast a look over the baby who was beginning to shuffle and squirm in the way that tired infants do when they need to sleep but don’t want to settle. Jed and Octavius were becoming rather good at spotting the signs.

“Fine. But I swear, if you laugh or tell anyon’ else about this I will feed your cape to the horses.”

Octavius fought back a smile at his friends defensive words, “Of course Jedediah, you have my word.”

“Right,” Jed cleared his throat. Octavius was surprised, his friend was actually nervous. Deciding to be kind, the Roman shifted away from his friend, focusing on the baby instead.

 

“Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,

Go to sleep little JB.

When you wake, you shall have,

All the pretty little horses.

Blacks and bays, dapples and greys,

Go to sleep  little JB,

Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,

Go to sleep little JB.

 

Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,

Go to sleep little JB,

When you wake, you shall have,

All the pretty little horses.

Way down yonder, down in the meadow,

There's poor little JB.

The bees and the butterflies fluttering at his eyes,

The poor little JB crying for his mama.

Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,

Go to sleep little JB.

When you wake, you shall have,

All the pretty little horses.”

By the time Jed finished the song Jean-Baptiste was fast asleep, having snuggled back down into his carrier. Jed, deciding to put off meeting Octavius’ eyes for as long as possible so busied himself with tugging the corner flap of the carrier over the baby. It wasn’t the easiest of tasks but Jedediah Smith was not going to shirk  tucking in a baby just because it was difficult.

Right, no putting it off any longer, swallowing hard and mustering his courage he turned to face his friend.

Who was sat, back to the corridor bench, completely and peacefully, fast asleep.

“Now would you look at that.” Jed whispered to himself. “You gone sung ‘em both out Jedediah.” Jed grinned at his friend, it was rare to see Octavius look so peaceful. He looked younger somehow and far more relaxed. Jed reached over and caught up his friend’s cloak that had billowed to the side of him and draped it over Octavius. The Roman didn’t stir.

“Getting’ some shut eye are we?” Jed smiled at him fondly, “Well you do that partner and I’ll keep watch.” Jed settled himself down next to Octavius, eyes flicking between their sleeping charge and his friend. It was mighty quiet in the museum, though they were on the second floor. Nice and peaceful. All they had to do was wait for Sac to get back. 

Jed closed his eyes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Thankfully with Sacagawea tracking they found the cavemen after about half an hour of hunting. They’d managed to avoid any problems on the way over, the people who had seen them had either assumed they were returning from some sort of costume party or were mad. In any case they were left alone. Though that might have had something to do with Attila. 

On the plus side the cavemen were all together, in a very, very quiet part of central park. On the downside they clearly tried to move some of the large boulders in the park to make a shelter. One of which had indeed come loose and smashed Graw in the face. Larry thanked whoever was listening that he hadn’t been crushed at all, Det and Tha were trying to look after him but were hardly qualified.

All of them were distinctly panicked and Graw had a decidedly nasty gash, not to mention possible fracture which most definitely needed seeing too. They’d had to resort to Ahk using the tablet to send them back to the museum to avoid fussing since despite the cold and the injury they liked being outside.

With a deep sigh and making a mental note to get the door fixed pronto, Larry began to lead the group back home.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 Jed was snoring soundly, head on Octavius’ shoulder, he’d turned to face the Roman in his sleep, arm slung haphazardly across the general’s lap. Octavius in turn was resting his head against Jed’s.

He wasn’t sure what woke him, the weight on his shoulder, the hand on his hip but whatever it was he slowly opened his eyes. Battlefield experience taught him to take in as much as possible in one view. It was almost a shame since he would have much rather taken a moment to savour the feeling of the company next to him however, as his eyes focused on the sight before him there was no time for any more comfort or indulgence.

“Jedediah, where’s the baby?”

“Mmmph?”

Octavius scrabbled to his feet riding a surge of panic pulling a sleepy Jed with him

“WHERE’S THE BABY?!”

“WHAT?!”

Jed was suddenly wide awake and looking about frantically, the carrier was empty with absolutely no sign of Jean-Baptitse.

“How did you lose him?! He was right here!”

“I lost him?! He was in both our care!”

“YOU’RE the one who fell asleep when I was singing you idiot!”

“I can’t help that your dulcet tones have a soporific effect on me!”

"I don’t know what any o'that means but we still lost the baby and you're still an idiot!"

“We have to find him, he cannot have got far.”

The Roman dashed to check behind the bench, “Nothing what about…” Their eyes met, they knew what they were thinking.

“Oh. Crap.”

“By Jupiter!”

They both ran over to the side, they were on the second floor balcony, they’d been against the wall. “JB couldn’t have rolled could he?” Asked Jed, fear catching in his throat.

“Surely not, and these bars would not allow a babe to fit through them.” He hoped. By all the gods he hoped. They looked over the edge at the same time grabbing each others shoulder for support. It was one of the most terrifying moments of their lives, both silently praying that they were not about to look upon the broken body of their charge an entire storey below them.

The floor was clear. They both let out a long sigh, knees feeling weak with relief.  

“So.” They turned to each other despairingly. “Where the hell is he?!”

They both look about themselves frantically, Octavius lifted his cloak as though expecting to see JB hiding up at him.

Jed flailed at him in disbelief, “What are you DOIN’?!”

“Looking for Jean-Baptiste of course!”

“Under your cloak?! He’s a Gigantor baby! How could he possibly fit under your cloak?” Jed shook his head in utter confusion, “WHY would he be under your cloak in the first place?”

“I panicked!” The Roman defended, “There is nowhere else for him to be! The corridor is bare, he cannot have got up and walked!”

“No,” Agreed Jed, “kids’ only a tot, can’t be mobile yet. He’d a’been trying and struggling fer weeks, all the rail-road tykes were the same.”

“In which case, has someone maybe picked him up?” Octavius tried to rationalise to cover his earlier flap.

Jed shook his head, “We’d have heard them coming the way the ground shakes with their feet.”

Much as he didn’t want to there seemed only one other option, “Then we must sound the alarm.”

A sudden clatter of commotion rose from the lobby. They were back, more importantly Sacagawea was back.

Both miniatures looked at each other with same face of resignation.

“We’re going to die.”

Heavy, fast steps pounded the staircase.

It was funny, thought Jed, he’d always thought death nells were supposed to slow.

They turned to face their end with as much courage as they could muster. “It’s been an honour getting to know you Jedediah.”

“Likewise Octavius, likewise.” 

They shook hands.

Larry appeared round the corner.

“Oh thank Jupiter!”

“Hey Guys, Sac asked me to pick up JB from you everything okay?”

“Er…”

“Guys,” Larry began slowly, taking in the empty carrier, “where’s the baby?”

“Well my liege-”

“Guys,” Larry pressed, the warning look of 'you-better-tell-me-right-now-or-so-help-me-I will-lock-you-in-the-Mayan-display’ burning brightly in his eyes.

“We don’t know Gigantor okay! One minute he was here the next minute he wasn’t”

“Babies don’t just disappear!” Countered Larry too appalled even consider the wider implications. 

“This one does!” Yelled Jed.

“Well, if we’re honest my liege we did rather fall asleep.” Offered Octavius, trying to be honourable at least and get to bottom of just where the child had got to.

“YOU FELL ASLEEP?!” Larry was about ready to pull his hair out.

“Hey! Octavius fell asleep during the lullaby, I was only restin’ ma eyes!”

“Because that makes it so much better!” Octavius wheeled on him furiously.

“It’s not my fault your shoulder’s so comfy!” Jed snapped

“And It’s not my fault you have a beautiful voice!” shot back Octavius to angry to realise what he’d said.

“I-What?!” That caught Jed off guard.

“GUYS!” Larry was going to have some calm here even if it killed him. Which it probably would knowing his luck.

“WHAT?!”

“Not helping!” Larry ran a hand over his face looking about left and right, the baby was nowhere to be seen. Oh this was bad, this was beyond catastrophic. “Can you remember anything, anyone coming near?”

“No, we’da heard them, your boots crash louder than rocks after dynamite.”

“Right, okay, fine, you guys have 15 minutes of me helping you before I serve you to Sac on a plate. An actual plate.”

“Why?”

“Because then she might not kill me too! She’s fixing up Graw’s face right now so we’ve got a little time so think guys, where the hell could he have gone?”

“There’s not much on this corridor, the nearest place is the…”

“Hall of African mammals.” They all gasped.

All three shared a look of utter horror.

Octavius swore colourfully.

“Come on Gigantor! Let’s go, let’s go! Time’s a wastin’!”

Larry knelt down carefully, offering his hand to the guys, both leapt on without argument, clinging to his raised fingers as Larry began to run as his mind began to race. ‘Could he avoid being murdered by Sacagawea if the Lions had eaten her baby? He had to stop getting into situations that would definitely lead to him being murdered by Sac. It wasn’t his fault exactly, Jed and Octavius had been on watch. Wait. No. He’d not blocked the door in the first place which had led to Sac leaving him in their care. Could he feed them to lions as recompense? Oh god, he was a dead as they were, probably moreso. Could the lions really eat a plastic baby? He was small, maybe they’d swallow him whole? Avoid the need for superglue. Oh god he really needed superglue. Ahk wouldn’t use his tablet to save him either, he loved the kid too much. Oh he was definitely going to die.’

They reached the locked gates (they’d been fractious earlier) and looked inside fully expecting to see the mammals munching away on their charge. Jed and Octavius actually had a hand on each other’s shoulder again, steeling themselves for what is probably going to be the most horrific vision of their lives (before Sac murdered them of course)

What they did not expect to see was Jean-Baptiste sat happily between Nala’s paws being thoroughly licked. The baby was staring at Dexter, clapping along with the capuchin looking as happy as Larry wasn’t.

“Oh thank all the Gods.”

“Question, how do we get him back?” Jed was eyeing up the beasts with a suspicious glare.

“We could ask Ahkmenrah for assistance,” suggested the general, “he always seems to have a way with them.”

“No, if we call for Ahk then Sac will want to know what’s going on and I would very much like to preserve our lives for as long as possible.”

“Good point.”

“Hey Gigantor! Look! Little varmint’s been holdin’ out on us!”

They followed Jed’s finger, Jean-Baptiste was crawling, **_crawling_** towards Dexter. “When in the hell did he learn to do that?!”

“I have no idea.”

Octavius to Larry, “I swear, my liege if we had known we would have never-”

“It’s okay guys, Nicky did this well, more like suddenly stood up but still. Anyway, let’s get him back. Now. Hey, Dexter! Over here, come on! We need the baby back before Mama Sac comes and guts us all. Including you. Come on Dexter, please!”

The monkey looked like he’d been considering just laughing and running off but the threat of Sacagawea was not a light one.

“I swear Dexter, if you do not bring that baby over to us I will tell Sac you led him in here on purpose.”

If a monkey could huff Dexter would be the one to do so. “She’ll believe me, you know she will!”

He stared at Larry for a long minute before deciding his course of action. Sticking his tongue out at Larry he turned back to the child who was making swift progress. The capuchin bounced in front of the little boy chattering happily clearly urging him on.

JB got three quarters of the way there before sitting back down looking tired, his lip started to wobble (he had crawled the length of the second floor balcony already this evening after all)

“Oh no, please don’t cry JB you’re nearly there, nearly there!”

JB only looked more upset.

He raised his arms to Dexter. And bless his little primate heart the monkey actually tried to lift him but JB was decidedly heavier than Ahk’s tablet. In the end he just settled for wrapping around the child in a comforting hug. JB sniffed hard into Dexter’s fur and clung on.

“Great,” Commented Jed staring at their stationary baby, “now what?”

Nala huffed loudly at the idiot two-legs. Why were these creatures so useless? Padding over to the baby, jaws open. Jed and Octavius scrambled up the night guard’s arm to his shoulder as she approached.

_“Juno’s wrath! Have you no pity_?” Yelled Octavius, forgetting to use English in his panic.

“Oh God!” Larry begged, “Don’t! Please!”

“Gigantor stop her!” Hollered Jed, tugging on Larry’s collar in full panic mode.  

Larry was fumbling desperately with the keys to open the door.

Nala bent down, carefully gripping the back of JB’s fabric top in her teeth she lifted the child and the monkey and carried them over to the bars.

Larry thought he was going to have an actual aneurysm when the lioness bent down behind the child. He stopped breathing the second she picked him up and stalked towards the bars. Larry dropped to his knees as she proffered the tired child to him with a snort. Larry, with trembling hands took the baby from her.

“Thank you.”

Nala regarded Larry with the contemptuous stare only those with feline blood know how to pull. She huffed again. ‘Idiot two-legs’ she thought. The Lioness waited and watched to ensure they didn’t drop the cub (she had no faith in this two-leg, he reeked of fear)

“Hey JB how’s it goin? You gave us all quite the scare y’lil troublemaker.” Jed grinned, relief softening his mood spectacularly.  

Larry hadn’t quiet regained the power of speech yet.

“That, that was most fortunate.” Octavius turned to Nala. “Our thanks and gratitude.” He saluted the lioness. She chuffed at him, nodding her head, and, seeing all was well stalked back to her pride.

Dexter looked up, letting go of the baby to climb onto Larry’s other shoulder.

“Hey, thanks Dex, Larry managed, thanks for trying buddy. I appreciate it.” The monkey chattered with laughter, nodding.

“Guys,”

“Yes?”

“Not a word of this, not one word. If Sac says anything, the first time he crawls for her is THE FIRST time he has ever crawled. Understand?”

“Perfectly liege.”

“Damn straight Gigantor, Sac don’t need to know ‘bout this at all.”

“Right, now, Jean-Baptiste, shall we go see your mama and show her your new trick?”

The child smiled up cherubically at Larry then slapped him hard across the face, shrieking with glee.

Dexter cackled in triumph.

Larry sighed in defeat, “Figures.”

**Author's Note:**

> So there we have it, Jean-Baptiste can crawl, Dexter shares his tricks, Larry can panic spectacularly, Jed and Octavius are really bad at keeping watch and Nala is awesome.  
> I should say, I absolutely do not own the song that Jed sings, it’s a lovely lullaby called ‘All the pretty horses’ and you can find it on YouTube.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, comments and kudos have a habit of making me write faster too! :)


End file.
